INTRODUCTION TO

Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Welcome! Couples counselling is a big step and can be intimidating to start. My goal is to make this process as easy as possible for you. This brief introduction to me, Tammie Ross, MSW, RSW and overview of the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, will support you as you begin couples counselling.

Who is Tammie K. Ross, MSW, RSW?

Tammie K. Ross, MSW is a dedicated Registered Social Worker based in London, Ontario, specializing in couples therapy with a primary focus on the Gottman Method. With a warm, evidence-based approach, Tammie helps couples navigate the challenges of communication breakdowns, conflict cycles, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and life transitions.

Drawing on the Level 3 Practicum Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and being in the Certification Consultation Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Tammie integrates the Gottman’s four decades of relationship research into her practice. She uses structured assessments and interventions to help couples rebuild trust, deepen emotional intimacy, and strengthen their friendship and shared meaning.

Her counselling style blends compassionate support with practical tools, empowering partners to recognize and shift unhelpful patterns. In addition to the Gottman Method, Tammie incorporates elements of EMDR, attachment theory, and trauma-informed care to ensure that sessions are safe, collaborative, and attuned to the unique needs of each couple.

Tammie works with couples across diverse relationship stages, from premarital counselling to long-term partnerships, and is passionate about helping partners reestablish connection and create resilient, fulfilling relationships.

Who are Drs. John and Julie Gottman?

Drs. John and Julie Gottman are internationally renowned psychologists and researchers best known for their groundbreaking work on marriage, relationships, and emotional intelligence.

Who They Are:

  • Dr. John Gottman is a psychological researcher and clinician who has studied relationships and marital stability for over four decades. He is a professor emeritus at the University of Washington and the co-founder of The Gottman Institute.
  • Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is a clinical psychologist and co-founder of The Gottman Institute. She specializes in trauma recovery, domestic violence, substance abuse, and same-sex couple therapy, among other areas.

Their Work:

Together, the Gottmans developed a research-based approach to relationship therapy that integrates scientific insights with practical tools. Their most well-known contributions include:

  • The Love Lab: John Gottman’s research began in a lab setting where he observed couples and predicted with over 90% accuracy whether they would stay together or divorce, based on behavioral patterns and physiological responses.
  • The Four Horsemen: They identified four key negative communication patterns—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—that are strong predictors of relationship breakdown.
  • The Sound Relationship House Theory: A model that outlines the components of healthy, lasting relationships, including trust, commitment, shared meaning, and emotional connection.
  • Gottman Method Couples Therapy: A structured, evidence-based approach to counseling that helps couples improve communication, manage conflict, deepen intimacy, and strengthen friendship.

Influence:

The Gottmans have authored numerous bestselling books such as:

  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
  • Eight Dates
  • The Relationship Cure

Their work is widely used by therapists and educators and has significantly influenced modern relationship counseling. The Gottman Institute continues to train professionals and offer resources for couples around the world.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy (GMCT): An In-Depth Analysis

Overview

The Gottman Method Couples Therapy (GMCT) is a structured, research-based approach to relationship counseling developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It draws from over 40 years of longitudinal research with thousands of couples, and its primary goal is to enhance intimacy, respect, and affection while managing conflict constructively.

Core Theoretical Foundation

1. The Sound Relationship House Theory

This is the central framework of GMCT. It conceptualizes a strong relationship as a house with the following levels:

    1. Build Love Maps – Understanding your partner’s world.
    2. Share Fondness and Admiration – Creating a culture of appreciation.
    3. Turn Toward Instead of Away – Responding to bids for connection.
    4. The Positive Perspective – A positive mindset toward conflict and repair.
    5. Manage Conflict – Using healthy communication and compromise strategies.
    6. Make Life Dreams Come True – Supporting each other’s goals and values.
    7. Create Shared Meaning – Building a shared culture and rituals.

2. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

These are negative communication patterns that predict divorce or relational breakdown:

      • Criticism: Attacking character.
      • Contempt: Disrespect, sarcasm, mockery.
      • Defensiveness: Self-protection through blame.
      • Stonewalling: Withdrawal and shutting down.

Each of these is addressed in therapy, with antidotes taught to replace them.

Phases of Therapy

Assessment Phase

The therapy begins with a comprehensive assessment that includes:

  • Joint and individual sessions with each partner.
  • Questionnaires such as the Gottman Relationship Checkup, a detailed online assessment that analyzes strengths and challenges in multiple areas.
  • Observation of couple interactions, both in conflict and neutral discussions.

This leads to a relationship diagnosis and customized treatment plan.

Intervention Phase: Goals and Techniques

 1. Enhance Friendship and Intimacy

  • Love Map exercises to deepen emotional knowledge.
  • Rituals of connection and fondness building.
  • Shared goals and values exploration.

2. Manage Conflict (Not Eliminate It)

GMCT recognizes two kinds of conflict:

  • Solvable problems
  • Perpetual problems (69% of relationship conflicts)

Tools taught include:

  • Dreams Within Conflict: Exploring core needs and meanings behind perpetual issues.
  • Softened Start-Up: Beginning discussions gently.
  • Repair Attempts: Preventing escalation during arguments.
  • Compromise: Accepting influence and finding middle ground.
  • Self-Soothing: Managing flooding and physiological responses.

3. Create Shared Meaning

Therapy explores:

  • Core beliefs and values.
  • Family culture and rituals.
  • Life roles and life purpose.

Key Strengths of the Gottman Method

Empirically Grounded

It is one of the most data-driven relationship therapies, based on thousands of hours of observational and physiological research.

Structured Yet Flexible

The method offers a clear roadmap for both therapist and client, while allowing customization based on each couple’s needs.

Practical Tools

Couples leave sessions with concrete skills and exercises, not just insights.

Focus on Emotional Connection and Conflict Management

It balances intimacy building with effective conflict navigation—a dual focus missing in some other approaches.

Inclusivity

Applicable to heterosexual and same-sex couples, and increasingly adapted for diverse cultural backgrounds.

Comparison to Other Methods

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Focuses more on attachment needs and emotions, while Gottman emphasizes skills and patterns.
  • Imago Relationship Therapy: Explores childhood wounds and projections, while GMCT is present- and future-focused.
  • CBT-based Couple Therapy: Similar in structured approach, but less holistic in emotional and relational depth.

Conclusion

The Gottman Method is a comprehensive, research-based, and skill-building approach to couples therapy. Its emphasis on both emotional attunement and practical conflict resolution makes it effective for many couples experiencing distress or seeking to deepen their connection. While not a cure-all—especially in cases of deep individual trauma or abuse—it remains one of the most respected and widely used relationship therapy models worldwide.

Not Signed Up Yet?

Before our work together, I would suggest signing up for the Gottman’s Newsletter Marriage Minute which you can find here:  https://www.gottman.com/marriage-minute/

I would also suggest downloading their free app Gottman Card Decks.  

Book an appointment

As a professional social worker, I am here to help you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to book a phone intake. Rest assured that your information will be handled with the utmost confidentiality.

Our location

379 Dufferin Avenue, London, ON N6B 1Z4

Contact

Phone: +1 519-870-7176 Email: tross@tammieross.com