Tammie K. Ross, MSW, RSW

As a couples therapist, I frequently see couples struggling with problems involving extended family members. Sometimes it’s a mother-in-law who interferes, siblings who create tension, or aging parents who require increasing amounts of care.  Other times, it’s an ex-spouse who makes last-minute changes to parenting schedules, has different expectations around discipline, or puts the children in the middle of disagreements.

Let’s imagine you’re in the kitchen, trying to explain to your partner why you felt hurt by something they said earlier. They’re unloading the dishwasher, half listening, and eventually say, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”  You stop talking.

Most couples are not avoiding difficult conversations because they do not care about their relationship. They are avoiding them because these conversations often feel loaded and lead to fights.

Most couples don’t come to therapy because they have too many problems, they come because they’ve become trapped in a conflict cycle. The original issue might be chores, money, parenting, intimacy, or in-laws, but within minutes the conversation spirals into hurt feelings, defensiveness, criticism, and emotional distance.  The good news? The problem often isn’t what you’re arguing about, it’s how the two of you get caught in the same dance over and over again.

“Trust isn’t built in grand gestures. It’s built in ordinary moments when your partner quietly answers the question: ‘Do you have my back?’” When people hear the word trust, they often think about one thing: infidelity.  While affairs can certainly shatter trust, Drs. John and Julie Gottman remind us that trust is much bigger than

If you ask most couples what they want in their relationship, they’ll often say, “I just want to feel safe”.  But what does that actually mean? “Emotional safety” has become a buzzword in relationship conversations, yet many couples don’t truly understand what it looks like in daily life. They think safety means never fighting, always